In the previous post I mention that I seldom share ‘reader email’ and do so today because, in response to my most recent column (My grandchildren know how to turn weekends upside down), one breaks the mold because of its unexpected nature and departure from the tone of the piece.
Email 4
On 20-Jan-12, at 9:53 AM, m. s. wrote:
Hello Mr Harrison,
I always look forward to your weekly article and this week article stir the truth of our situation.
Raising 4 girls and having my father in law living with us made our lives miserable. He want the house the way it should be when he was living by himself. Our house is a mess and I try to do my best to keep it tidy but sometimes, its not a priority and it create frictions between us.
Calling us lazy and crook for my kids friends used his cups and we put in the dish washer and he refuse to use other cups in the cupboard. They moved things and he can't find them even though its just under his nose.
So I want to take your opinion after your experience, would you be able to live with them for months or would you rather be in a retirement home?
My father in law is 80 yrs old and he's physically able but Doctors thinks he's onset of dementia.
I'm counting on your opinion for I have to decide this month even though my hubby is feeling guilty. Have a good day!! M.
I read the email several times to make sure I had the jist of it. Then I consulted with my wife, thought things over (M.’s dilemma is like one my siblings and I faced with our mother and father), and sent the following cautious reply, feeling as if I was entering a place where angels fear to tread.
Hello M.,
Thank you for reading my column. You have raised a very serious matter as a result of my last one about the grandchildren coming to visit.
Based on my experience with my mother several years ago (she suffered from Parkinson's disease), I can say the following: I was helped by two good doctors and my four brothers and sisters when it came time to deciding where she should live.
The doctors told us she would get worse and need more care as she grew older. My family and I knew we could not do all the work or provide all the care (some had children, others had jobs, etc.), so we began looking for a good retirement home. My mother didn't fight with us when she moved into her first retirement home, and when she needed more care, we moved her to another one, where she later passed away.
All of this sounds easier than it was, but I didn't have to make the decisions alone and that made a big difference to me ten or twelve years ago. So, if your husband has brothers or sisters and you have doctors involved you can talk to, I recommend you try to get everyone together for more discussions about what should be done. That way, you are not alone as decisions are made.
Your father-in-law may fight about moving, so he needs to hear more from the doctors and your husband's family too.
My father was accepted at Parkwood Hospital in 2001 because he was a war veteran. He didn't like it at first, he was quite the fighter, very stubborn, but after about two weeks he got along very well and had many pleasant months there before he passed away.
Because of my experiences with my mother and father, I now believe I will go to a retirement home instead of expecting to live with my sons when I am older. I know it would be too much work for them to care for me (although I'm very easy to get along with!) and they have their own families to care for too.
I hope this helps you with your decision.
Sincerely,
Gord H.
I hit ‘send’ and hoped for the best. (How did my column about grandkids spark such an email or request? I guess I really don’t know everything, or - closer to the truth - much of anything).
Fifteen minutes ago I received the following:
Thank you very much for replying. I really appreciate what you mentioned about your parents. I'll discuss this to my husband and I know my father in law is very stubborn and doesn't want to be in a retirement home, I think he'll get use to it once given a chance.
I'll let my husband read this and will decide from there.
M.
I may reply with a simple “let me know how it goes.”
For now, however, I’ve decided to call it a day.
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Please click here for It Strikes Me Funny PT 1.
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