New Children’s Book Pt 1: “All Dads Have Gas”

[Suitable for children of all ages.]

All Dads Have Gas

Chapter One - There is a loud quack in the garden

Picture in your mind a father in shorts and scruffy T-shirt a-workin’ silently in his garden with the help of his curious 6-year old son.

Both are raking weeds away from healthy tomato plants and feeling the heat of a sunny July afternoon.

Suddenly, the silence between them is broken.

“Quack!”

“Dad, did you hear that?” says the boy.

“Sorry. What’s that, son?” says the father.

“I thought I heard a duck,” says the boy.

“Where?” says the father.


["All work and no play? Not this father. I say, maintain a sense of humour at all times.": circa 1976]

“Over there,” says the boy. Then he points toward a tall tomato plant behind his father.

The father looks behind him. No duck.

“Our neighbour has chickens. Maybe you heard a chicken cluck,” says the father.

“No, it didn’t sound like a chicken cluck. It sounded like a duck quack.”

“Another neighbour has a dog. Maybe you heard a dog bark,” says the father.

“No, it didn’t sound like a dog bark. It sounded like a duck quack. A loud one.”

“Well, isn’t that the strangest thing,” says the father, as he steps into the next row of healthy tomato plants and wipes his brow.

“You’re doing a great job with that rake, son,” says the father.

“Will you help me with another row?” he asks. “Together we’ll keep our eyes peeled for that duck of yours.”

The boy nods, and sniffs the air.

***

Chapter Two to soon follow.

Quack. Why, isn’t that the strangest thing?

To learn about the inspiration behind this exciting children’s book, “All Dads Have Gas,” please click here.

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Bits and Pieces: Book titles fractured by design

This is not an advertisement. Though Chapters is a real place, none of the books referred to below exist in the real world.

That said, allow me to mention three things that go together in my mind:

A visit to Chapters bookstore

A cup of dark roast (still under 2 bucks, thank goodness)

A wrinkled tenner (much different than a wrinkled tenor)

Sorry. Four things go together in my mind.

All of the above, plus bargain book tables.

Because my wife bought the coffee I was able to browse for free and walk out with two books for $7.75 plus tax.


["All Dads Have Gas?" I'd read that: GH circa 1969]

Oh yeah, they’ll be great reading once I’m finished the two others I’m working on right now.

As well, while browsing I had a few laughs to myself. A few real book titles morphed into titles I would rather read.

For example, instead of reading ‘I Can Make You Thin’ I’d rather read ‘I Can Make You Think.’ The way things are going, however, in the real world, a more appropriate title might be ‘I Can Make You Thick.’

‘Body by Design’ sounded interesting, but I think the money is with the boomer generation who seem to be adding on pounds by the minute and following the credo ‘Body, I resign.’

Because of two large price stickers I only caught the following words of a title as I walked by one bargain table, i.e., ‘All Dads Can...’

The words quickly morphed into ‘All Dads Have Gas,’ and I chuckled to myself and thought I should write a children’s book with that title asap.

I’m pretty sure I’d make a fortune. I’m an expert on the topic, after all.

***

Read some Lite news here.

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Like a Rolling Stone: Bob Dylan still sounds pretty good

You can tell a lot about a person by snooping through their personal library, music collection and refrigerator.

“Stuck in the ‘60s, eh?” you'd likely ask me while sipping my last can of Guinness and blowing dust off the shelf in front of my computer desk.

“Not entirely, but yeah,” I’d answer, wishing you’d been satisfied by one of the buck-a-beers on the top shelf of the fridge and thinking, at least show some remorse.

“Is this book about Dylan any good?” you might ask after placing ‘Entries - Poems’ by Wendell Berry back down on my desk.

“Not bad,” I’d say, “but not great. The author wouldn’t know a simple sentence if he fell over it.”


I’d explain that I counted 19 words on the front cover, trying to capture a possible buyer’s interest, when only four were needed: Like a Rolling Stone.

Add a B & W shot of Dylan in a state of contemplation and you’d have enough to sell me.

“What did you pay?”

“I got it at Chapters for $7.99, would have felt better if it had been five bucks. At least the author likes the Time out of Mind album, so that’s something.”

“Is that one of your favourites too?”

“It’s a good album. But I’m back to Blood on the Tracks for awhile. You?”

“Blonde on Blonde.”

“Good one. Cheers.”