It Strikes Me Funny: I would never have to cook again

(And the beer would always be cold).

During a pit stop at Tim Hortons in Dorchester recently, while on my way home from Pt. Bruce for supper, I realized an undeniable truth.

Not that I do much cooking now, but if I was programmed to fall for colourful ads in coffee shops, I’d likely never have to cook another a meal again.

Breakfast meals for $2.99 said a cheerful poster. A lot of people must love that. A lunch menu over the till included soup and warm tea biscuits at a very reasonable price as well.

How can people resist, especially folks who are getting tired of cooking meals after 60 years of marriage? (Even 40. People get tired of opening their own can of chili.)

Come back at 5;30 p.m., the time I was there, and I bet Timmy would even serve you supper - lovingly displayed on an overhead poster - for under 4 bucks, not including a Canadian Maple do-nut and large mug of steeped tea.

Some people must surely plan most of their meals around the closest coffee shop in their neighbourhood.


["I'm gettin' tired of cookin' chili over an open fire. Back in an hour."]

Though I’m not ready to give up possession of my can opener yet, an overheard conversation between a couple in their eighties got me leaning farther in that direction.

“Hi, Mabel,” said an old fellow. “I saw your walker outside the LCBO (liquor store) this afternoon, about four o’clock.”

“No, that wasn’t me,” said Mabel, in a voice loud enough to peel paint. “I bet that was Shirley. I got mine in earlier.”

Laughter ensued and I chuckled up my sleeve too ‘cause I’ll be in their slippers some day, maybe pushing a walker with a wicker basket through Old South, London.

I bet, since Timmies is providing such encouragement to eat every meal of the day on their premises ("Never leave. Clean washrooms are just down the hall"), it won’t be long before somebody opens up a small liquor store in Wortley Village beside the Red Roaster or Black Walnut.

I can see me now. Hot chili at noon at The Roaster, and a cold can of Guinness in the shed by 2 p.m.

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That’s if the bottom doesn’t fall out of the Canadian economy.

It could happen.

Then I’ll be heatin’ up chili at home.

.