“IT STRIKES” Again: I’m still a few quarters short of a health card

[The following story was first published in The Londoner on Oct. 24, 2002 under my current byline, It Strikes Me Funny. The story is funnier if you have just finished renewing your Ontario Health card. gah]

I’m still a few quarters short of a health card

“Take lots of change for parking.You may be there a long time.”

I didn’t believe my wife’s words at first. I had all the necessary documents in hand, and more, to renew my Ontario Health Card at 217 York Street.

I had my birth certificate, Canadian passport, valid driver’s licence, social insurance number and three box tops from PC brand gourmet English-style Muesli cereal (with over 50 per cent fruit and nuts and more dietary fiber than you could shake a stick at: I’m one healthy lad).


["Everybody needs a Health Card": photo GH]

I just had to park, negotiate five flights of stairs and get my picture taken once again (though I hadn’t really changed much in five years - I was wearing the same grey shirt as last time). How long could it take? I grabbed four or five quarters from the edge of the dining room table and confidently left the house.

Parking was a cinch. I dropped a few quarters into a meter on King St. (48 minutes worth - lots of time) and walked the three blocks to York. Saved a few seconds by taking the elevator to the fifth floor.

“Hi, my name is Gord and I’m here to get a new Health Card,” I said to the woman behind the counter inside the door.

“Do you have your driver’s licence?” she asked as she handed me registration number A143.

“Yes, I do,” I replied, patting the thick wad of identification material in my side pocket. (I was pleased. The process was going so smoothly. I didn’t bother to tell her I had enough documentation to choke a horse.) I turned to find a seat. Only then did I notice the office was practically full and that the LED screen was flashing A114. There was one empty chair on the other side of the crowded room.

Five more people walked into the office behind me, so I took the vacant chair without hesitation. A114 continued to flash overhead for a few more seconds then changed to A115.

A short, dark-haired man with wire-rim glasses stepped passed me to get to counter number three. I then noticed...

To be continued.

***

What did I notice?

A. Everyone else in the room was sleeping?

B. I needed to go to the washroom?

C. My 48 minutes had expired already?

D. A party began?

E. All of the above?

Stay tuned.

***

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