“My happy birthday on the road to ruin”
... I started, “Hi, my name is Gord and I have to renew my plates and licence and...” I cautiously pointed to the forms.
The lady took over, efficiently. My one question was asked about four minutes later - after a short, numbing, mental nap.
The forms were moved about, my licence and registration were examined, papers were stamped, I was quietly asked to sign my name here and there (so I did), the kind lady did some typing, wires began to hum, my odometer reading was sniffed at, my temporary licence was explained to me in brief, I heard something about “it will arrive in the mail, destroy this one”, I was asked to stand with my back to the white wall (so I did), she pointed patiently toward a small sign that said “Look here” (so I did).
I remember a flash. I began to rub my eyes and the woman asked, “How do you want to pay?”
My one word answer, “Debit.”
["The early days. I'm now much taller": GH]
She continued, “This will take two separate transactions.” She pointed to the debit machine.
I humbly obeyed.
I swiped the plastic, pressed the buttons, heard the quiet raking of cash; then again, swipe, press, rake rake.
A quiet voice said from within my little round head, “Ask your question. After all, you brought the papers and receipt.”
So I did.
“Ma’am, do I need to show you my Vehicle Emissions... (Pause: I began to show her extensive paperwork as I prepared to continue with the rest of my prepared statement about the inspection report, certificate number, estimated test weight, fuel evaporative system and fuel filler integrity check) ...Inspection Report or ...?”
“No. We have it on computer.”
We were done. $230.10 worth of business covered. In four minutes. That’s over $3,450 per hour!
I shared one sentence, said one word when asked and inquired about one irrelevant detail.
The woman could have asked me to stand on one leg and cluck like a chicken, or roll my head back and bark like a dog - I would have done it. If she had asked me to pay another $20 for the privilege of making a fool of myself - I would have immediately reached for my debit card.
I left the bureau.
And instead of clucking or barking I bought a large Tim Horton’s coffee (double double), went for a short ride in the country and enjoyed a small return on my investment.
gah
***
It’s now 2011. That particular bureau is now closed for good but I still let my wife take care of all paperwork.
Please click here to read “My happy birthday on the road to ruin” PT 1.
Please click here for Cartoons in Progress 2.
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