I haven’t followed all of the first five in my most recent short story but I am paying attention.
You can catch up to my progress so far by clicking here and reading about Rule 5
Rule 6 - Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose”
Elmore’s explanation for this rule is short as well:
This rule doesn’t require an explanation.
I agree. If suddenly all hell broke loose I'd stop writing and run the other way.
And now, my short story continues:
HOT RED HEELS
It was mid-afternoon and the sun was hotter than hell.
I felt as if a hole was being drilled through the back of my neck with a pick ax.
At the same time the woman who had just backed into my motorcycle was drilling a hole into my forehead with a stare so cold I swore my whole body was immersed in ice, except for the back of my neck.
“Git out your wallet,” I said.
After spitting onto the hot tarmac next to her red spiked heels I said, “You scratched the paint and I don’t care what you say to me - you pay up today.”
She said, “You jerk. How do you know it was me?”
“I was having coffee right in there when you knocked it over,” I said.
I pointed to my mug and notebook on the table inside the coffee shop window a few feet away.
“If I hadn’t run out and stepped in front of your car you would have been outta here.”
Her hands didn’t budge from her hips and she continued to look at me as if I was shit on her shoes.
“I’m sure I didn’t hit it hard enough to knock it over,” she said.
“Then why did you get out of your car while I was lifting it back up?”
I took a step into her personal space and thought I saw her flinch.
“You weren’t going to give me a hand were you?” I asked.
The cold look in her eyes dropped about 20 degrees and she shifted her stance.
She looked past my shoulder and said, “Your bike’s okay then.”
I looked back at it.
“Sure,” I said. “I can get it home. But it needs some touch up and time is money.”
She got cocky as soon as I said ‘money’.
Two hundred dollar red spikes on her pretty little feet and she acted hostile about reaching into her wallet for me.
She took two quick steps around me and closer to the bike.
“My last boy friend has a bike like yours and he’s got twenty cans of paint in his garage for scratches. What about you?”
Shit, I said to myself. She wants to haggle.
“I’ve got the paint. But now I’ve got to look it over. Check for dents and scratches. See if it starts up OK. If the handle bars are in line. Make sure it runs smoothly so I can get back home.”
And time is money,” I said again.
She shook her head and said, “I don’t have all day. I’m meeting a friend.”
“I don’t have all day. I’m meeting a friend too,” I said.
And I took a breath.
I was cooling down and wondering what friend I should drop in to see later.
I tapped my foot and looked down at her red heels.
She started tapping her foot too.
I caught her rhythm and tapped along. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.
Shit, I said to myself. It’s so hot out here.
I looked into the coffee shop and turned back to her.
“Let’s go inside. It’s cooler. We can sort things out faster in there.”
I didn’t wait for her to answer or finish tapping her pretty red toes.
I just turned and walked toward the door.
***
Any thoughts about Elmore’s 10 rules or my brilliant short story so far?
Click here to visit Elmore Leonard’s website.
You will find my thoughts about Rule 4 at this location.
Visit my archives at this site for Recommended Reading: Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing - Rules 1 through 3 for more context.
I like context, short rules and red heels.
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