Know what SUV stands for? Simply Unnecessary Vehicles
The parking spots in front of our house on Cathcart Street are usually gone by 8:30 every morning, rain or shine. The church and school across the street create a steady demand for the seven or eight spots on our block.
After fifteen years of living at this location, I barely notice the comings and goings of any of the vehicles. And once I’m focused on a task-at-hand it almost takes an emergency to get me to raise my head.
My wife could yell from the front porch, “Gord! Behind you!”
“Be there in a minute. Just gotta get this last dandelion out of the lawn. Its root must be wrapped around the Union Gas line.”
“Gord, the car is on fire!”
“Yeah, there in a minute.”
However, the new blue Land Rover parked recently in front of our house turned my head. I noticed two things.
The tires had such deep treads. The grooves were so deep, wide and jaw-like they appeared capable of grabbing a man by the leg and slamming him heavily to the ground over and over again.
[“Get to the mall safely in The Defender!”: photo link]
Second, as I approached the Rover cautiously from behind, I saw that the spare tire, attached to the outside of the rear door, was wrapped in a wheel cover with a picture on it of a snorting rhinoceros.
I’m not the most energetic, attentive or experienced of world-travellers, but I am alert enough (most days) to know that there are very few, if any, rhinoceri, elephants, lions or tigers roaming the streets of this fair city.
If I’ve missed them (or if they’ve missed me) on my way to the Red Roaster for a cup of coffee and toasted cheese bagel with butter and extra marmalade, just warn me of the danger please.
I would hate to miss out on the golden years by getting mangled by an attacking beast of any kind.
Please stay tuned for the gripping conclusion.
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And please click here for another brilliant episode of “IT STRIKES” Again.
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