“One of Canada's largest pension funds, the Ontario Teachers' Pension Plan Board, cited "attractive industry fundamentals" yesterday for its decision to buy a major stake in Simmons Co., the iconic but troubled U.S. mattress manufacturer.”
Very good, I thought. As a retired teacher I want my pension to be safe - and by golly - everybody has to go to bed sometime.
["One... two... now go to sleep"]
Then I read the part about “iconic but troubled.”
Geez, we already bought into The Toronto Maple Leafs. What’s more iconic and troubled than the Leafs? Shouldn’t we be buying things that are perhaps a little less troubled, you know, for the sake of balance?
Then I made the brilliant connection.
Leaf fans turn on their TV. Watch the Leafs struggle. Start to yawn. Rub their eyes. Say, “I’m going to bed, Sweetie-pie.”
And what’s beneath their bottom sheet? Ca-chinga.
***
Anything else that’s ‘iconic and troubled’ that would be a good fit for my pension fund?
Don’t suggest any of Canada’s political parties. Please.
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