Question: When do fried potatoes stop being fried potatoes?

Answer: When they turn into fried mushrooms. Greasy-looking fried mushrooms.

While I scraped the last bit of sleep from my face this morning my lovely wife (she had an earlier start to the scraping process) turned to me and said, “I feel like a bacon and egg breakfast at Williams Pub Cafe. I’ll pay.”

I didn’t argue.

So, with fresh faces where early-this-morning’s used to be, we drove to Wonderland and Southdale and ordered Classics for $4.99 each.

We took coffees and the Number 14 totem (the next couple received totem 92; they were in for a long wait) to a table beside a parking lot window so I could look longingly at a Mini convertible. And we waited with great anticipation.

Our plates arrived fairly quickly and as the server served I noticed an unsavoury pile of fried mushrooms on my plate.

I didn’t say anything.

Must be dust on my glasses from the workshop, I thought. A lot of dust.

I looked at my plate. The fried potatoes looked like greasy fried mushrooms. I poked a few with my fork. They felt very unpotato-like. Like sponge. Like Sponge Bob would feel after pulling a night shift at the Krusty Krab.


[“Can I go home now?”]

Sure, I ate one piece, as a favour to science.

Aack.

I thought, it’s not a potato anymore.

Just when do fried potatoes stop being fried potatoes?

Perhaps after sitting in grease on a hot grill for 6 days and turning into mushrooms.

I bravely asked for a new order after showing how spongy they were to our server, and within minutes a better batch arrived. Not excellent (“Too spicy and greasy,” said my lovely wife), but better.

Score: 4 out of 10, thanks to good coffee.

***

I’m not wild about most restaurant meals. Cooks who screw up fried potatoes are one reason.

However, I do like the looks of the Mini convertible. 9 out of 10! (What’s the gas mileage like on those babies? Better than my Civic?)

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