A Promise to Fulfill Pt 3: I wore kid gloves while dealing with a cactus

My dad wanted to be buried at sea. That much had been clear to me since the 1980s.


And after my mother passed away in November, 2000, my father and I had several long talks about where she would be buried.

To be buried with her own mother was, unfortunately, not an option, though that had been one of her wishes after she learned, much to her chagrin, that she and her husband were not going to be buried together.

While looking at and talking about gravesites and gravestones with my dad, I bore in mind three things:

First - this was the time to talk to him about certain challenges related to being buried at sea; e.g., how would family members ever be able to visit his gravesite? He wouldn’t be with his wife, my mother.

Second - it would be far better for his five children and remaining friends and relatives if he was buried with his wife. Since some of his five children also wished to be cremated, wouldn’t a family plot make some sense?

And third - his nickname in the navy was Cactus (a perfect fit, I’d say) and I’d have to move slowly and carefully.

Thank goodness for long, peaceful rides in the country together, with cups of coffee in hand. Thank goodness I was old enough to know to pull him along slowly, not push. Thank goodness we had learned to talk about many things together without chafing each other’s nerves.

“Are you comfortable about mom being buried at the site of the old Quaker Church?” I asked him one day.

“It’s a perfect place for Edith,” he said. (She had gone to the church when she was a young woman.

At different times I asked if he liked any particular gravestones that we had looked at. I asked about font styles and colour. I let him know he could have information about himself on the gravestone. And that he could put significant engravings on it, e.g., something related to writing for mom, something related to the navy for himself. I told him the family would visit it and take care of it.


["Doug 'Cactus' Harrison stands guard"]

One day I told him about disadvantages of being buried at sea, i.e., the difficulties related to visiting him.

And I mentioned - ever so gently - he could think about being buried in the same plot we had looked at for mom.

And I waited.

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A Promise to Fulfill - Please click here to read Part 1.

Please click here to read Part 4.
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