Saturday, June 28, 2008

My Point of View: We’re putting a lot of miles on the drive-thru issue Part 2

Shortly after Nick Javor (Senior VP, Tim Hortons, Oakville) reminded Londoners that drive-thrus “are a great benefit to the disabled, senior citizens, people with mobility challenges, parents with young children and customers who prefer to remain in their vehicles in unfamiliar neighbourhoods or bad weather” (June 24, Letter to the Editor, London Free Press) Warren Mackenzie wrote a few words that, from my point of view, are closer to the truth and are therefore... better.

He said:

“Sounds like Tim Horton's created the drive-through concept as a great service aimed at solving all these people's problems, and had nothing to do with just "how can we sell more coffee? Come on guys, you do what you do to increase sales and profit, and for no other reason.” [Zap this for entire letter.]

Tim Hortons may indeed pour coffee for senior citizens who like someone else to make their coffee and cakes while they socialize with their friends.

But Timmies only do so because HIGH TRAFFIC VOLUME (cars, SUVs, trucks, camper vans, etc.) informs management there's a buck to me made - on this corner or that corner.


[Honk here to see lotsa traffic in context]

As fuel prices rise and traffic volume slowly decreases (along with closely related carbon emissions) so will the number of drive-thrus.

And some folks will have to kiss their social hour good-bye.

(Or stay out of unfamiliar territory during a storm).

Zap this to read My Point of View: We’re putting a lot of miles on the drive-thru issue Part 1

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The Theme is Wood: It starts at the tree

I took the day off.

After coffee I warmed up the Virago and biked 75 km. to Thedford, then another easy 5 km. to Lake Huron.

I sat down at a familiar picnic bench under a few trees 100 metres from the shore.


I scribbled a few ideas for future posts and snapped a dozen pictures while enjoying a breeze that made me forget London's humidity.


Click here for a few more pictures related to the theme of wood.


And here.

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Friday, June 27, 2008

My Point of View: We’re putting a lot of miles on the drive-thru issue

Shortly after Nick Javor (Senior VP, Tim Hortons, Oakville) reminded Londoners of the many valuable benefits of drive-thrus (June 24, Letter to the Editor, London Free Press) Warren Mackenzie wrote a reply that, from my point of view, was not only more succinct but simply... better.

In response to Tim Hortons claims that they collected over 40,000 signatures on a petition ‘opposing drive-thru bans’ Warren wrote:

“When the city proposed a 'no smoking' ban to apply to restaurants and bars, there was another great outpouring of condemnation, but of course, only from diehard smokers, so what else could be expected when Tim Hortons asks its staunchest allies -- Timmy addicts, to sign petitions to support it?”

I think Warren’s right.

People who are addicted to the convenience of say, a 2 - 3 minute wait for a large double double vs the huge, unmanageable effort of brewing their own cup in 3 - 4 minutes at a fraction of the cost will sign just about anything related to their cuppa java - after they take the time to go online.

I know - it begs the question:


“How could 40,000 people find the extra 2 - 3 minutes in their busy day to sign an online petition?”

But, come on. Let’s not put more miles on this issue.

Click here for a more relevant and closely related issue.

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The Theme is Wood: One more photo from the workshop

Carmi (local journalist, photographer, stirrer of pots) at Written Inc. has created a unique challenge with this week’s offering at Thematic Photographic.

This week’s theme: Wood.


Things from trees.

Grab your camera.

Click here to see a few other rough-edged pix.

You’re still here? Click here for more photos.

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Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Theme is Wood: I like it when things come from trees

I take it back.

Last week I said I love it when things come in threes, then added - Not trees. I’m too short - for a bit of comic relief (a very small bit).

However, Carmi (journalist, photographer, stirrer of pots) at Written Inc. has created a unique challenge with this week’s offering at Thematic Photographic.

This week’s theme: Wood.


Get your camera.


Things from trees.


Click here to see a few other rough-edged pix.

You’re still here? Click here for more photos.

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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

It Strikes Me Funny: Only high oil prices will lead to sustainable practices?

I’m not going to say I agree with the head of the world’s largest utility when he forecasts the price of oil could eventually hit $250US - “possibly by as early as next year.”

What? Almost double the price in 6 - 8 months? Get outta here.

And a one and a two...

Okay, it’s not impossible. Stranger things have happened.

People have crossed Canada in a Smartcar. A group of friends have written close to 1,000 posts in less than 18 months at Four Mugs and a Crock - without a Crock for many months. The Crock is now in Papua New Guinea. G. W. Bush became President of the USA. After six weeks in the bottle my home brew now tastes better than conventional beer.

But I’m not willing to say - today - that oil will go that high. (The last 3 barrels? Maybe.)

I am willing to agree, however, with experts and observers who say that our lives will change on nearly every level IF... IF... oil reaches $250 per barrel (pb).

(E.g. Richard Worzel, financial analyst, author and futurist says, “You can pick any aspect of our lives and it (i.e. oil at $250 pb) would change it significantly.")

It just strikes me very funny that we wouldn’t change and live sustainably until almost every process and product is priced to the sky.


[My home brew does taste better than conventional beer. How did I not know this?]

For example:

Worzel said that fresh produce in the winter would be costly and difficult to come by.

So, it never occurred to anyone in the past while poking a tomato from Florida, California or Guatemala - as tough as a scuffed up rugby ball - that its long trip on a gas guzzling truck wasn’t worth the price? By half?

And it never dawned on anyone that supporting local produce growers was a whole lot better for us in the long run?

No?

I don’t agree with that either.

(Stay tuned for more $250 questions.)

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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Postcards and Prose From the Side of the Road

A picture is worth a thousand words is it not?

[Sometimes a True Canadian lyric is too.]

Shortly after stepping off my bike, camera in hand, at the edge of County Rd. 74 south of Mapleton on Sunday I discovered the batteries were dead.

No postcards today, I thought.

But the scene was worth remembering so I made a few notes while sitting at the New Sarum Diner. (Cheeseburgers are up to $3.55 now.)


[Mud swallow from another Sunday ride]

a rolling field of winter wheat
tossed beneath the wind’s hand.
I knelt low beside its edge
to catch the smell of earth and soil.
at the sound of my shuffling boots
a swallow darted from the shifting green
then watched me from a wire.

Click here for more Postcards From the Side of the Road

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Oh Canada: Climate change can be set to some pretty hot music

Kathleen Edwards, Canadian singer-songwriter, described as ‘smart, scrappy, hockey-loving’ (geez, ain’t we all) by a Seattle music critic, has a song out entitled ‘Oh Canada' that touches on several big issues - climate change among them.

I only just discovered the fact via a reader’s email related to an earlier post.

James aka mojo wrote:

Specifically, she addresses the spiraling carbon emission problem with the lyric:

"All still in their lanes
Under rush hour lights
There's one head to a car
But you act so surprised
When the snow don't come
You can't swim in the lakes
Now it's hotter than hell
In a bed you won't make"



[photo:'seattlespeeding by Kathleen Edwards]

A lyric is worth a 1000 words is it not?

James concluded by saying:

Ironically, it was only a few weeks after the album's release that eastern Canada got *pounded* with a blizzard of mythic proportion... or so the story goes anyway.

Art imitating Life?  Or is it the other way around?


I think it’s the other way around.

Hey. Now all we need is a song about how to get four or five heads to a car.

Kathleen Edwards: Hear her at www.myspace.com/kathleenedwards.

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Monday, June 23, 2008

Recommended Reading: Healing the atmosphere means bring on the recession

“To begin healing the atmosphere, the average reduction in carbon emissions by industrialized countries would have to be about nine times greater than the average reduction recommended by the Kyoto Protocol.” [Dr. R. Nielsen, The Little Green Handbook: Seven trends shaping the future of our planet]

Globally, carbon emissions are beyond a healthy point (350 parts per million) and rising faster that the healthiest savings account and, individually or collectively, most countries will not trim their economies back to a healthier scale.


Governments seem to choose Market First over Sustainability First models of growth every time.

George Monbiot, author of ‘Heat: How to Stop the Planet From Burning’ (see Recommended Reading - right hand margin) wrote the following last October in a less than popular article:


“However hard governments might work to reduce carbon emissions, they are battling the tide of economic growth. While the rate of growth in the use of energy declines as an economy matures, no country has yet managed to reduce energy use while raising gross domestic product.”

His very unpopular recommendation was detailed in an article entitled ‘Bring on the Recession’.

As carbon emissions and global temperatures rise so will the popularity of a down and dirty recession.

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Monday Memoirs: Grumpy Bill, brush cuts and debts that I still owe

[Write your own Memoirs on Monday. Provide a link to your post in a comment below. One day we’ll be famous.]

I grew up in the villages of Burgessville and Norwich, moved to London in 1968 to attend the University of Western Ontario, am a small town boy to this day and feel right at home in Wortley Village.

My house on Cathcart St. is a few blocks away from my bank and my ever-declining balance, a coffee shop or two, grocery, hardware and drug store, bakery, gift shops and pretty good pub restaurants.

If I want my hair done up special there are many stylists within a stones throw.

In Norwich there were at least four barbers who had equal opportunity to cut my hair for 25 or 50 cents if my Dad was too busy.

Grumpy Bill was the first that springs to mind.

Grumpy had a small shop on Stover St., a board he placed across the arms of his chair upon which I would be told to sit, a black and white TV tuned in to Mighty Mouse cartoons on Saturday morning and a personality that would peel paint off a front door.

Every time I raised my head to watch Mighty Mouse slap a bad guy across the kisser Grumpy Bill would push down on the back of my head until my chin almost touched my scruffy knees.

The old white-haired guy at the pool room was no gentler and I liked his partner in snips, Mose Farrell, a lot better.

While Moses cut my hair or trimmed my neck he didn’t seem to mind if I snuck a peek at the action on a bustling Main St. or clattering pool table or at the glossy magazine covers on a nearby rack.

When the barbers vacated the pool hall I walked one block farther west to the last barber I can recall, a much younger fellow who slapped a brush cut on me faster than you could say ‘see ya in three weeks’.

When I told him about my new electric guitar he sold me a used amp for a few dollars and I was in business.


[“Learned any new chords yet, Gordie?”: See photo in context]

So, with my hair down to the nubs I tried my hand at one or two songs and five or six chords - over and over and over again until not only my mother but Eric Burdon, a few Animals and a dozen people from New Orleans hollered down the basement steps to knock it off.

(Now I’m up to 10 chords and write my own tunes but nobody comes to visit.)

A few final words about the pool hall.

I never bought their glossy mags but eventually got brave enough to do more than peek at the covers.

I bought my first LPs there when they caught my eye and still have my Steppenwolf album.

Occasionally, after high school classes were done for the day and before I slipped out the back door to run to work at Maedel’s Red & White I’d sneek in a quick game of pool with Ken Fidlin (who now writes sports for Sun Media).

While writing this installment I recalled I borrowed a quarter for pop from George Bishop, one of our high school quarterbacks, and I don’t think I ever paid him back.

I can afford to pay him back because I cut my own hair now (can you tell?) thereby saving about $30 per month.

Sorry, George. Next time I see ya, eh?

Click here to read more Monday Memoirs and visit my archives in the right hand margin.

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Sunday, June 22, 2008

Free Press article helps clarify drive-thru issue (or is it drive-through?)

A one-page column by Paige Aarhus, especially five bits and bites in a right hand margin, shone light today on Deforest City’s ongoing discussion re drive-thrus.

[Click here to link to her London Free Press article.]

And because I have an opinion about everything here are a few brilliant thoughts of my own:

Clarifying where drive-thrus can go makes sense, which I think is what the city is trying to do at this time.

Restricting the location and even the number of drive-thrus makes some sense; telling the business community "no, not there" or "no, we have enough of that type of convenience" is responsible action in many cases. (E.g., as some businesses grow they leave a building on one side of town and set up shop on the other, sometimes leaving empty shells and plazas behind. Poor city planning in my opinion.)

Some local businesses have responded very loudly to 'clarification'. Imagine the ruckus when restrictions are discussed.

Much the same process occurred when smoking in school staff rooms (among other locations) was introduced in the 70s. Now, we wouldn't bat an eye to that restriction.

Drive-thrus came into being e.g. in London, 'most likely' because there was money to be made from the high and consistent traffic volumes in many parts of town, not out of a desire to help the disabled (though it may have done that too) or assist the Mom who had a baby strapped into a car seat.

Now, there are so many people on the road (leading such busy lives they don't even have 5 - 10 minutes in the morning to make their own coffee or prepare lunch for school-aged kids) that drive-thrus are huge business, and I bet most complaints from Tims, McDs etc. are tied to a concern for dependable profits (often used to pay off heavy investments).


["How can I save money with this huge Lincoln?"]

As fuel prices rise more drivers will try to find ways to save a buck. Some will start making their own coffee and lunches and - really bad news for drive-thrus - take fewer trips in the car.

I'm pretty sure when I'm motivated to put fewer kilometers per year on the old Civic I'll be driving-thru, idling in place, eating Big Macs and drinking double-doubles less.

Finally, if I wanted to make a placard it wouldn't be about drive-thrus.

I'd be trying to convince people to drive less in order to, directly and indirectly, lower our sky-rocketing carbon emissions.

All I need is a catchy slogan.

Visit the post below to see how steeply our emissions are climbing

[Where is Canada's Environment Minister and what is he doing about carbon emissions?]

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Canada’s Environment Minister is like rising carbon emissions - invisible

I read our local papers thoroughly, especially any articles concerning Canada’s Minister of the Environment John Baird.

(He still is the Environment Minister, right?)

He has said very little about Canada’s environment recently, leading me to believe he has already said it all, which was actually very little.

His relative silence could also mean that a lot is happening but he doesn’t know what to say or do.


Maybe he could study up on our steeply rising carbon emissions and then plan a way to positively deal with them.

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Saturday, June 21, 2008

My Point of View: The Green Shift will focus our attention on carbon emissions

In my last column in The Londoner I wrote: “I’ve heard that Liberal leader Stephane Dion will fully explain his version of a carbon tax this week and in my opinion we should all pay very close attention.”

He introduced Canadians to The Green Shift on Thursday evening and after reading more information at a federal Liberal website I have a few early judgments.

I think Stephane Dion is making an effort to make sure Canada’s carbon emissions take a big hit, make a big drop, turn in the opposite direction.

Our current Conservative government seems to be blithely unaware that the Alberta oilsands project is Canada’s largest man-made ecological disaster and source of carbon emissions, directly and indirectly, in our nation’s history.


Or that we’re the 3rd highest producer of carbon emissions per capita in the world, only behind the USA and Australia, and need to take radical steps to produce positive change.

After highlighting the following line in Dion’s Green Shift brochure [“Liberals will tax pollution in Canada for the first time by putting a price on Greenhouse Gas emissions that cause climate change and fuels like coal and natural gas. This won’t include any extra tax on gasoline at the pump.”] I read 16 of 44 pages of his booklet.

So far, it is a lot more interesting than listening to the Conservative Party’s attack ads and talking oil blot at a gas station.

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Recommended Reading: Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing - Rule 6

In his recent book Elmore keeps his rules short.

I haven’t followed all of the first five in my most recent short story but I am paying attention.

You can catch up to my progress so far by clicking here and reading about Rule 5

Rule 6 - Never use the words “suddenly” or “all hell broke loose”

Elmore’s explanation for this rule is short as well:

This rule doesn’t require an explanation.

I agree. If suddenly all hell broke loose I'd stop writing and run the other way.

And now, my short story continues:


HOT RED HEELS

It was mid-afternoon and the sun was hotter than hell.

I felt as if a hole was being drilled through the back of my neck with a pick ax.

At the same time the woman who had just backed into my motorcycle was drilling a hole into my forehead with a stare so cold I swore my whole body was immersed in ice, except for the back of my neck.

“Git out your wallet,” I said.

After spitting onto the hot tarmac next to her red spiked heels I said, “You scratched the paint and I don’t care what you say to me - you pay up today.”

She said, “You jerk. How do you know it was me?”

“I was having coffee right in there when you knocked it over,” I said.

I pointed to my mug and notebook on the table inside the coffee shop window a few feet away.

“If I hadn’t run out and stepped in front of your car you would have been outta here.”

Her hands didn’t budge from her hips and she continued to look at me as if I was shit on her shoes.

“I’m sure I didn’t hit it hard enough to knock it over,” she said.

“Then why did you get out of your car while I was lifting it back up?”

I took a step into her personal space and thought I saw her flinch.

“You weren’t going to give me a hand were you?” I asked.

The cold look in her eyes dropped about 20 degrees and she shifted her stance.

She looked past my shoulder and said, “Your bike’s okay then.”

I looked back at it.

“Sure,” I said. “I can get it home. But it needs some touch up and time is money.”

She got cocky as soon as I said ‘money’.

Two hundred dollar red spikes on her pretty little feet and she acted hostile about reaching into her wallet for me.

She took two quick steps around me and closer to the bike.

“My last boy friend has a bike like yours and he’s got twenty cans of paint in his garage for scratches. What about you?”

Shit, I said to myself. She wants to haggle.

“I’ve got the paint. But now I’ve got to look it over. Check for dents and scratches. See if it starts up OK. If the handle bars are in line. Make sure it runs smoothly so I can get back home.”

And time is money,” I said again.

She shook her head and said, “I don’t have all day. I’m meeting a friend.”

“I don’t have all day. I’m meeting a friend too,” I said.

And I took a breath.

I was cooling down and wondering what friend I should drop in to see later.

I tapped my foot and looked down at her red heels.

She started tapping her foot too.

I caught her rhythm and tapped along. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

Shit, I said to myself. It’s so hot out here.

I looked into the coffee shop and turned back to her.

“Let’s go inside. It’s cooler. We can sort things out faster in there.”

I didn’t wait for her to answer or finish tapping her pretty red toes.

I just turned and walked toward the door.

***

Any thoughts about Elmore’s 10 rules or my brilliant short story so far?

Click here to visit Elmore Leonard’s website.

You will find my thoughts about Rule 4 at this location.

Visit my archives at this site for Recommended Reading: Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing - Rules 1 through 3 for more context.

I like context, short rules and red heels.

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Rising Price of Fuel: Are you stuck with a big car or home?

I recently read about a family’s legitimate predicament and felt both sympathy and relief.

The husband was trying to sell the family SUV (it was a BIG one) in order to finance the switch to a smaller car but was having no luck.

Though I realized the family was stuck in a tough spot I also said to myself:

Very steep fuel prices may be what is needed to bring about positive and permanent change in the way many of us live in North America.

And how do many of us live?


High off the hog, with a heavy, unsustainable footprint, beyond our means, unaware of the consequences of our gluttony and the damage we cause to the life-giving ecosystem. (Many, but not all, do this.)

And now, how do people who are STUCK with the wrong dream car, dream home or dream survive?

Is there an easy way to switch from LIVE BIG to ‘live small and prosper’?

Yes and No.

Click here to read Live Small and Prosper by G. Harrison and save money for change.

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Farm chemicals, sewage, diesel fuel, pesticides (and more) bite back

Be warned: Not only could you drown in the floodwaters in much of Iowa but the water could kill you in another hundred ways.

“They (floods that have destroyed a large supply of their drinking water and many homes) have spread a noxious brew of sewage, farm chemicals and fuel that could sicken anyone who wades in.”

[Click here for recent news report from The Associated Press]

Barry Commoner, biologist, environmentalist and former candidate for the presidency of the USA once said:

“Sooner or later, wittingly or unwittingly, we must pay for every intrusion on the natural environment.”

I’m not suggesting the flood or the millions of mosquitoes that are spawning in hectares of standing water are payback for what Iowans have done to the environment.


(Unless the little skeeters are drawn to tonnes of man-made chemicals).

“Also mixed into the floodwaters [along with 200-litre drums labelled “corrosive” and propane tanks] are pesticides, herbicides and fertilizers from Iowa’s vast stretches of farmland.”

We know that chemicals are poisonous. We know that accidents happen. We know there are millions of tonnes of hazardous materials in every state in the US and every province in Canada.

And we know the benefits do not outweigh the risks if toxic chemicals can ruin our water.

Be warned.

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Friday, June 20, 2008

We can do this: The age of austerity and growing self-reliance

A close friend and I both grew up in small towns, had hard-working parents who didn’t spoil us (we did that all by ourselves) and learned to make do with what we had - and have at present.

We’re now retired, enjoy coffee together on a regular basis and because most of our ideas are brilliant we find by the time our teapot and travel mug are empty we have solved at least two or three problems of the world.

After we talked about ways to do more with less due to higher prices, and repeating our silly mantra ‘hey, we’ve got arms’ (e.g. if something needs doing we’ve discovered we can do it ourselves because we’re frugal and...) I took him over to the house to show him my reno project.


My friend saw several wood scraps in the garbage can and said, “You could make boxes out of those.”

[This is the same guy who said, “Your old garage would make a great studio.” It’s now a studio/wordworking shop/local watering hole.]

“I already am,” I replied. “Bird boxes, with plans for more.”

I work on a few birdhouses every week. I also have ideas for several other projects. Nothing gets thrown out.


In much the same way, my friend turns bits and pieces of glass into works of art and travels far and wide in Canada on a dime.

As the price of fuel rises I am confident many other North Americans, as they learn to live with less, will also rediscover they can be self-reliant, live small and still prosper.

Click here for part of my definition of ‘prosper’.

You’re still here? Click here to read a longer version of my definition of ‘prosper’.

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Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Theme is Glass: I love it when things come in threes

I’m a retired teacher, now workaday writer (“Poetry will never pay,” said my mother. She was right.), rough-edged photographer still waiting for his first nickel and love it when things come in threes.

(Not trees. I’m too short.)

Carmi (journalist, photographer, stirrer of many interesting pots) at Written Inc. has created a unique challenge that every person with a camera will enjoy.

Oh, you like a challenge? Then dust off the camera and keep up with his weekly offering - Thematic Photographic.

This week’s theme: Glass.

Did I tell you I love it when things come in threes?


Yamaha thru one sheet of glass


Shopper thru two sheets of glass


Backwards in time thru glass

Click here to see a few other rough-edged pix.

You’re still here? Click here for more photos.

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Tim Horton’s research about drive-thrus doesn’t jive with mine

I just finished grinding fresh coffee beans and filling up the perk. And now, while my first cuppa the day is brewing I’d like to say Timmie's research is incomplete and mine is... better.

They might have the latest figures concerning how wonderful their drive-thrus are for the environment compared to other coffee shops where people have to (sensitive readers cover your eyes - God forbid, park their cars and walk into a store) but do they know they’re only in business to sell convenience and True Canadians realize rewards (in this case profits) don’t always outweigh risks (say, pollution, congestion).

Be right back. Coffee is ready. (That new coffee maker is so quick)


The first sip - oh, so good.

I can understand the mighty coffee chain doesn’t want to lose money on their many investments but my research shows fuel prices are going up, the number of trips per vehicle therefore should do the opposite and bicycle stands rather than drive-thrus will be where the money is.

Mr. Horton should invest in electric bikes with built-in GPS units that show where the closest coffee shop is - for all those people who can’t get up just 5 - 10 minutes earlier in the morning to make the best darn coffee in the entire world.

[Click here to read about a man who fumes about Tim Horton’s drive-thrus and has done research to support his fume.

 
[Photo: COLIN O'CONNOR/TORONTO STAR - Developer Dave De Sylva poses at a Markham Tim Hortons, June 13, 2008]

Click here to read Farm chemicals, sewage, diesel fuel, pesticides (and more) bite back

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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

My Point of View Part 2: Carbon reductions and the age of austerity

You won’t hear me say this very often even though I’m as humble as all get-out:

“I’m wrong.”

In the previous post I said because many Canadians have a fairly thick cushion against the hard times that are a-comin’ it’s likely a carbon tax won’t hit them too hard.

As proof I gave, in my opinion, brilliant examples.

And then I thought, many young people are up to their shiny little ears in debt because of a big car in the driveway and a steep 40-year mortgage on a larger-than-life home that’s 6 miles away from the closest grocery store.

So a hefty and sudden carbon tax could get a lot of ordinary Canadians to do more than THINK about reducing their footprint, walking to work, eating bologna sandwiches on cheap white bread or living with their parents in a 3,600 sq. ft. condo in the ‘burbs.

And, in my opinion, a carbon tax would have to be hefty if that’s how Canadians choose to make a dent in excessive carbon emissions.

No level of improvement will be easy.

For example, in a recent opinion piece (Carbon zombies attack economy, June 12, Sun Media) Lorrie Goldstein wrote:

“Claims (from our federal political parties) of “revenue neutrality” for a carbon tax, or that cap-and-trade or tougher regulations are painless or even effective solutions to carbon emissions are nonsense.

“We don’t have a technology capable of dramatically lowering carbon emissions when burning fossils fuels.

“The only alternative is to burn less of them. The only way to do that is to make them so expensive, people have no choice but to use less.”

Though there may be other alternatives i.e. rationing programs, restricting development of oil reserves, leaving oil in the ground where it seems right at home and does less harm than in air, water and on land surfaces, I think they all lead to the same thing, referred to by Mr. Goldstein when he later writes:

“(Making them expensive, using less) risks driving developed countries into recession (or deeper recessions than they already face) as consumers buy less, because the skyrocketing price of fossil fuels will hike the price of almost everything.

“As George Monbiot writes in Heat: How to Stop the Planet from Burning, the campaign to fight global warming is a campaign for austerity.”

I think Monbiot, who wrote an intriguing article about the benefits of a recession, took the right tone when he stated near the end of the aforementioned book:

"The campaign against climate change is an odd one. Unlike almost all the public protests which have preceded it, it is a campaign not for abundance but for austerity. It is a campaign not for more freedom but for less.

“Strangest of all, it is a campaign not just against other people, but also against ourselves." 

Believing his words makes it easier to say I’ve been wrong about a lot of things.

[See ‘Recommended Reading’ in right hand margin for a helpful link to HEAT.]

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My Point of View Part 1: Carbon tax - there’s a lot at stake and a lot of steak

I’ve heard about a carbon tax but am still not sure what it will look, feel or smell like.

I don’t think it’s a Liberal tax on EVERYTHING as the Conservatives are claiming.

But we will soon know if Federal Liberal Leader Dion reveals his party’s carbon tax plan before parliament closes its doors for the summer.

I’m prepared to listen very closely (I’ll even turn off my music), make marginal notes and squint real hard as I examine the fine points because a lot is at stake due to our excessive carbon emissions.

For example, in a recent opinion piece (Carbon zombies attack economy, June 12, Sun Media) Lorrie Goldstein wrote:

“All these schemes [i.e. carbon taxes (Liberals/Greens), cap-and-trade (NDP) and paying lip service to climate hysteria while preaching that reducing carbon emissions is simply a matter of hitting major emitters with tougher regulations (Conservatives)] amount to the same thing - ways to price carbon that will ultimately and unfairly impact on ordinary citizens.”


[He’s not the only person concerned about the fate of ordinary citizens or the less-fortunate.]

In my opinion, however, I think many other Canadians have a fairly thick cushion against hard times ahead.

If gas goes up another 25 cents they’ll give up eating street meat three or four times a week to help pay for gas.

I know for a fact many will give up cable, bottled water, soda pop, restaurants, movies, thick steaks on the old BBQ and a long list of other extras before say, carpooling. [Click here to see proof in an earlier column]


It may be the same with a carbon tax unless it's stringent enough to force most Canadians to THINK and actually reduce their footprint by walking to work, carpooling, taking mass transit, eating sensibly, locally and cheaply (no need, however, to go as far as eating bologna sandwiches on Bambi white bread) or living in a smaller house or with their children, parents or friends in a 3.600 sq. ft. condo in the ‘burbs.

I could be wrong.

So I’m prepared to look, listen and smell.

Coming soon - My Point of View Part 2: Carbon reductions and the age of austerity

[While you’re waiting click here to read my most recent column in The Londoner about the carbon tax.]

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Memorable Dylan Lines and Favourite Dylan songs

I received a framed Bob Dylan poster for Fathers Day and after it was hung on the wall next to my desk I realized Bob and I are about the same size, though in the sixties he had more hair.

And he wrote better lyrics than me.

When I asked readers in an earlier post to “Tell me your favourite Dylan song or LP, and why” I was told the following by myshell from Twin Falls, Idaho:

"The first Dylan song that came to mind is the one where he sings... everybody must get stoned!

Then after I really thought about my favorite song, I would have to say, The Times They are A-Changin'"


[Photo of album art from Blonde on Blonde CD]

Both are much more memorable than “Get off-a my porch, stop your knockin’” from my first heart break song.

What’s the first Dylan line that pops into your head and/or your favourite Dylan song?

[Click here if an idea also pops into your head to help drivers cope with high fuel prices]

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I’m So Far Out I’m In: I knew how to pick ‘em in the 1960s

My posts were so long last week I’m still tired.

Click here for my Guinness World record attempt.

This week I’m aiming for succinct. Three main points - that’s it.

For Fathers Day I received three sterling gifts:

A card from my wife with a hand-written note that I can redeem for a hedge trimmer, supper out at El Amanecer, a local Mexican restaurant, or something else I like on a regular basis.

My Fathers Day phone call from my oldest son in Fenelon Falls. [The first thing he did was apologize for not sending a card. I said, save your money. I can live without the $5 Hall Mark sentiment and $50 gift card. I’d just rather get a call. You were going to include a gift card, right?]

And last of all, a framed Bob Dylan poster that my youngest son purchased on ebay.


Funny, he wouldn’t listen to one of my Dylan LPs when he was a teen in the 80s because 'my music' was so ‘not with it’.

“No way!” he’d say. Or nothing at all.

But he’s in the Dylan groove now.

Tell me your favourite Dylan song or LP, and why.

Click here for another short post. Mostly photos.

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Monday, June 16, 2008

Letters to the Editor: Some people just don’t see a problem with plastic bottles

I’m only going to show you one sentence from Alison Farough’s letter in the June 14 issue of The London Free Press because the more I read the closer the top of my head comes to popping right off.

She addresses an earlier letter entitled Bottle ban challenged (also linked to Free Press) and says:

“We have just started to touch the surface on educating our children to make healthier choices and a ban would leave them no choice but to purchase sugary pop from vending machines.”


If she is referring to the Royal We, i.e. the entire city of London, I would have to say she’s wrong.

Schools and literally thousands of families in London alone have been informing children about recycling, reusing, reducing the number of plastic products (incl. water bottles), drinking tap water, fruit and vegetable juices, being self-reliant and not depending on someone else to provide them with a drink, often in a plastic bottle, when they are thirsty.

However, if she’s referring only to her own family she’s got some ‘splainin’ to do to her kids.

My suggestion to Alison is as follows:

Buy a few reusable bottles (they don’t have to be plastic by the way) or look for some in your kitchen cupboards.

Show your children how to fill them with water from the tap. I guess, if time allows, show them how to snazz it up a bit with a bit of fruit juice.

Show them how to store the container in a backpack, pocket in a pair of baggy pants, reusable cloth bag or in their golf bag.

Sure, if your children golf they might have to remove a dozen golf balls from the ball pocket or leave their six-iron at home but how many kids need a six-iron anyway.

Readers, what would you suggest?

Click here to read another Letter to the Editor and my brilliant response or check my archives. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

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Sunday, June 15, 2008

Postcards from the Side of the Road: What do we have here?

On my way to Port Bruce this afternoon I stopped on a small bridge found on Crossley Hunter Line.

It spans a tiny stream which is almost obscured from view by tall grass growing in the shallow water.


After standing atop the bridge for a few minutes listening to the breeze pass through the grass and watching small birds dart here and there I realized purposeful activity was taking place beneath the bridge.


Help.


Do you know the name of this small bird?

I call it a mud swallow. Am I right?

Let me know.

Click here for a view of something else sailing in the breeze at Pt. Bruce.

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My Point of View: Mr. Goldstein offers succinct definitions of weather and climate

That’s right. I now know how to use ‘succinct’ in a heading. (My three readers applaud.)

One day I’ll also use it appropriately in my weekly column even though my stories and succinct have little in common.

While waiting for me to respond to his last email concerning our ongoing exchange Lorrie Goldstein checked out my blog.

(He never takes a day off. As for me, I was in the workshop preparing more bird houses for Curiosities Gift Shop in Wortley Village. Got birds? And they’re homeless? Call me - have I got deal for you.)

Then he wrote a short email with more information about weather and climate, topics we all need to know more about, and soon:

Gordon:
 
Just saw our exchange on your blog.
Good blog, by the way.
You were quite fair and I thank you for referring people to my original article in full, which alas, not all bloggers do.
Plus your grandson is a cutie.
As for your reader, Sean Hurley, I'm afraid I'm at a loss.
I refer to the section of his comment where he says I don't understand that "climate and weather are two different things."
I suggest he might want to read what I actually wrote in the piece he's presuming to criticize.
Particularly sentence six where it says:
"Relax. Weather isn't climate..."
I have highlighted the reference in the full editorial for easy reference below.
I'm afraid I can't do much when people don't  read what I write before pontificating on what they incorrectly think I don't understand.
You could also tell him there's an easier way to explain the difference between weather and climate than going on about marbles in bowls and averages.
It comes from a gent at Environment Canada.
Weather determines whether you take an umbrella to work in the morning.
Climate determines the kind of wardrobe you buy.
See? Simple.
 
Cheers,
Lorrie Goldstein
 
For context, read Mr. Goldstein’s editorial below, as it appeared in The London Free Press, which was helpfully included in his email and Sean Hurley’s comment that follows.

Plus, take a peek at my grandson Ollie in the right hand margin. He IS a cutie.

Column: Editorial - A hot summer doesn't mean we're doomed Monday, June 9, 2008 

BY LORRIE GOLDSTEIN

News flash: Environment Canada is predicting a hotter-than-average summer.
Please try to remain calm.
Back in the good old days, before global warming hysteria took hold, Canadians pretty much had the seasons figured out -- summers hot, winters cold, fall and spring variable.
Alas, not any more.
You can bet that climate hysterics, having been relatively silent during our just-completed colder and snowier than normal winter, will be out in full force as the mercury rises, preaching apocalyptic doom in the name of Al Gore and carbon taxes.
Relax. Weather isn't climate. One hotter than normal summer, or colder than normal winter, says nothing about climate change.
Hysteria aside, just about everyone agrees the Earth has been in a long and gradual period of warming for many years.
As Environment Canada senior climatologist David Phillips notes, 19 of the past 25 Canadian summers have had higher-than-average temperatures.
Most climate scientists believe man-made greenhouse gas emissions from the burning of fossil fuels are contributing to an abnormal rise in global temperatures.
But there's much we don't know and many natural factors affect climate as well -- the sun, the natural greenhouse effect, which keeps us from freezing to death, ocean currents, clouds, the tilt and orbit of the Earth.
Regardless, conserving energy and finding ways to wean ourselves off fossil fuels is sound public policy. It's good for the environment, global security and, as today's skyrocketing energy prices indicate, the status quo isn't an option.
That said, it would be foolish and dangerous to tear our country apart by recklessly punishing say, Alberta, for developing the oilsands, which is contributing to our nation's wealth. One National Energy Program was enough.
Rather, we must approach the issue of global warming with good judgment and common sense and not be panicked into reckless decisions by the doomsayers.
Oh ... and have a nice summer.


Sean commented to my post re the above column by sharing his own views about weather and climate and certain writers by saying:

The problem for Mr. Goldstein is that he doesn't have a clue about the topic over which he is ranting. He is an ideological denier rather than a scientific denier. There is a difference.



A denier who rejects that climate change is real and is happening due to human activities on the basis of science, can, presumably, be persuaded otherwise with additional scientific evidence. An ideological denier, such as Mr. Goldstein, will never be persuaded because it runs counter to his ideological world view.



As evidence that Mr. Goldstein does not understand his topic, I point to his argument over weather. Climate and weather are two different things although the ideological deniers can't seem to separate them.



A very good analogy I recently read is to think of climate as a marble in a bowl rolling down one side and up the other and repeating. And imagine the speed and energy of the bowl is increasing and the marble climbs higher up each side of the bowl each time coming closer and closer to the edge.



When we speak of weather we tend to think in terms of averages - average temperature, average rain fall, etc ... but it is the extremes that form those averages we need to think about.



So, for example, we may get the same average rain fall in a year, but we may get it all at once. We may get the same number of storms, but they will be more intense. We may get the same average temperature, but we will have periods of extreme heat and extreme cold.



In other words, it is the height the marble climbs the side of the bowl we ought to be concerned with and not where it passes at the bottom of the bowl.



And of course, there is the question of what happens when the speed and energy of the marble is enough to cause it to fly out.

As much as I appreciate your efforts to persuade ideological dinosaurs such as Goldstein, your efforts are wasted. He can't and won't be persuaded and neither will those who turn to his words for reinforcement of their own ideological slants.



For those who do and can follow the science and for whom debate and knowledge is critical to learning and understanding rather than defending a dogmatic position, it is important we move past the endless nonsense of deniers like Goldstein as it detracts us from the serious work that needs to be done.



For those who recognize the reality of climate change, as well as energy depletion, we need to learn how to clothe, house, and feed ourselves in a world where we no longer can take for granted today's conveniences.



As for Lorrie Goldstein, well, he can eat his words.

***

I know this has been a long read, with differing views about weather and climate, but occasionally that’s how things work best around here.

In my opinion, a full-hearted response to man-made causes of climate instability is critical. The best book I've read so far on the topic is The Little Green Handbook by Dr. R. Nielsen; see Recommended Reading in right hand margin. Two feet below Ollie.

Click here for a much succincter post entitled Live Small. It even comes with a tiny cartoon.

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Saturday, June 14, 2008

Live Small and Prosper: A link to Crunchy Chicken makes for a busy day

I mean it. We can live small and prosper.

One day I’ll fully explain my definition of prosper. Kinda relates to ‘go forth and subtract’ or ‘do more with less’.

Need inspiration?

Check out the "Live Small" Links in my right hand margin.

Crunchy Chicken is very interesting site in blog world and the writer has listed a number of things she’s trying to do in the hope that we’ll try to do them as well.

For example:

Air dry the laundry


Bake my own bread
Buy only from sustainable fisheries
Buy only organic dairy
Compost all food and yard waste
Don't use papertowels
Eat local
Grow food organically
Keep thermostat low
Make my own granola
Make my own soap
Make my own yogurt
No A/C in the house
Purchase 100% green energy
Recycle everything
Subscribe to BioHeat
Use 100% recycled T.P.
Use a DivaCup
Use a push reel mower
Use cloth shopping bags
Use cloth wipes
Use low-flow showerhead
Use natural yard care practices

Though I’ve listed them here please visit the site, but only after you’ve read and commented on every one of my brilliant posts below.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

[At the very least, click here to read about Elmore Leonard's fifth rule of writing]

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Friday, June 13, 2008

My Point of View and His: Dear Mr. Goldstein - I thought I had brilliant arguments

Thank you for your very prompt and informative reply, before I posted for the day, even before morning coffee. 

Good suggestion re reading up on NEP; when you wrote 'it would be foolish and dangerous to tear our country apart by recklessly punishing, say, Alberta', history of the NEP didn't inform me, though I'm aware of equalization payments and views about them.

That said, my own arguments stand up pretty well.

Your article seemed in two parts and "the status quo isn't an option" is still a very good conclusion to the first. And I still would have ended there. (Cold beverage still stands too.)

Who is being foolish and dangerous? Now I know, and it's not the hysterical hysterics in the first part of the article. It's the federal Liberals -  who seemed to sneak out of the woodwork in part two.

And putting wealth above health and the environment is not common sense in my book, or post.

Cheers, Gord Harrison

Mr. Goldstein responded in less than 2 hours. The man never sleeps.

Putting wealth above health and the environment?
 
You might want to talk to folks like Kenyan economist James Shikwati, who exposes such simplistic slogans for the nonsense they are.
 
As he argues, for people living in the first world like you and me, to lecture people in the third world not to use their fossil fuels to elevate their standard of living - which is what we did in the industrial revolution and which is why we live in what's called the first world today - is akin to asking Africans to commit economic suicide.
 
The reason is that the availability of electricity and energy through the use of fossil fuels, which lies at the heart of the entire debate about global warming, is the key to societal advancement.
 
As Shikwati notes, without electricity, people must stop working when the sun goes down, meaning lower productivity.
 
Without electricity, people must rely on firepits to heat and light their homes as well as to cook their food - resulting in the premature death of millions of Africans and others living throughout the third world every year, particularly children,  from the air pollution that goes into their lungs every day as a result.
 

Without electricity, a country cannot develop an industrial base and thus is doomed to perpetually high unemployment levels.
 
Without electricity, people cannot store food or medicines effectively, which usually must be stored at certain minimum or maximum temperatures, lest they spoil or themselves become sources of disease.
 
Without electricity, you can never have effective, clean hospitals or sterile environments.
 
That's why Shikwati calls it counselling suicide when smug first worlders who think they're environmentalists come to Africa lecturing it not to do what the West has done to improve its own standard of living - make use of fossil fuels to provide electricity and energy.
 
You can't just look at the theoritical risk of climate change in isolation, which is what the Al Gore Nation foolishly does.
 
You have to weigh that against the known risks, economic and social, of arbitrarily reducing the use of fossil fuels, or of pricing them so high that no one can afford them, given that renewable energy resources and carbon capturing are years away from becoming either practical or affordable.
 
Finally, whose "wealth" are you talking about in the First World?
 
Do you think everyone in Canada is rich?
 
Carbon taxes are a tax on consumption and such taxes are regressive in that they are flat taxes, unlike income tax which increase as incomes rise.
 
That's why consumption taxes disproportionately hurt the poor.
 
Finally, simple restating that in your opinion your thesis holds up isn't defending your thesis.
Any competent university professor could explain to you why it isn't.
 
If you want to debate these issues seriously, perhaps you should do a little more research.
 
Cheers,
LG

Research. That’s a big one.

Wealth vs health. Sustainable development. Where should I begin?

Be sure to read Mr. Goldstein’s point of view in the London Free Press on June 9 (A hot summer doesn’t mean we’re doomed) and my first response in the post below.

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Thursday, June 12, 2008

His Point of View: Mr. Goldstein responds to my email and critical writing

Before I posted this morning’s brilliant piece ‘My Point of View: Beware - Lorrie Goldstein gets all hysterical on the doomsayers’ I thought it only fair to let Lorrie read it.

I sent him a copy after 11 p.m. last evening and at 7:13 this morning he responded while I was thinking about making coffee. (Beyond a doubt he is the second hardest working writer in Canada.)

I thought it fair to let you read his reply. Plus, it makes today’s second post easier to write.

Thanks for your views but I doubt most readers, particularly out West, will think it hysterical to suggest another National Energy Program will tear apart the country.
 
You might want to read up on the history of the NEP and how it permanently damaged east-west relations and destroyed the credibility of the federal Liberal party in Alberta.

When one of the two national parties capable of forming a national government can't elect more than one or two MPs in a region that is a major economic driver of the nation, and doesn't understand the outlook or perspective or sense of history of a "have" province paying billions of dollars every year into federal equalization payments to help out poorer provinces, that's bad for national unity.


 
[Number of Liberal Federal MPs in Alberta - zero]

Finally, a hint about critical writing.

When your only argument is to steal the argument of the author and suggest it applies to the author, it's usually an indication you don't have an argument of your own.
 
Cheers,

Lorrie Goldstein


I raised my half-empty coffee mug in salute and wondered, I didn’t have a single argument of my own?

I reached for the keyboard.

Tune in tomorrow, after coffee, for My Point of View, and His

Be sure to read Mr. Goldstein’s point of view in the London Free Press on June 9 (A hot summer doesn’t mean we’re doomed)

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My Point of View: Beware - Lorrie Goldstein gets all hysterical on the doomsayers

After reading Mr. Goldstein’s point of view in the London Free Press on June 9 (A hot summer doesn’t mean we’re doomed) I concluded two things: Lorrie should be the man in charge of smoke and mirrors, and though he wants people to be calm he gets kinda hysterical himself.

The first half of his article can be summed up quickly: hot summer ahead, be calm, don’t be a hysterical hysteric, one hot summer doesn’t mean anything, just about everyone agrees Earth has been warming for a long time, 19 of our last 25 summers have had higher-than-average temperatures, most climate scientists believe man-made greenhouse gas emissions from the burning of fossil fuels are at fault, but there’s much we don’t know e.g. about clouds, the orbit of the Earth.

So, can you calmly make sense of it all? I can’t either.

Then, and I can't explain it, after telling us to calm down he gets all hysterical on us.

“Regardless (i.e. man is at fault, maybe clouds), conserving energy and finding ways to wean ourselves off fossil fuels is sound public policy. It’s good for the environment, global security and, as today’s sky-rocketing energy prices indicate, the status quo isn’t an option.”

Good conclusion. Really.

And if it was me, I would have ended there, put away the laptop and opened a cold beverage.

But from somewhere inside Mr. Goldstein’s head the following thought popped out:

“That said (i.e. that good stuff about conservation and weaning off fossil fuels), it would be foolish and dangerous to tear our country apart by recklessly punishing, say, Alberta for developing the oilsands, which are contributing to our nation’s wealth... "

"Rather, we must approach the issue of global warming with good judgment and common sense and not be panicked into reckless decisions by the doomsayers.”


["I'm the Doomsayer and I say doom. A big doom." Click here for context]

What the heck?

Who is being foolish and dangerous? The senior climatologist he quoted about the 19 hot summers? The ruling Conservatives?

Who is tearing the country apart and getting all reckless on Alberta’s head? The dreaded, entirely reckless doomsayers?

And he talks about using common sense yet puts wealth above our health and the environment?

Mr. Goldstein, you’re starting to sound hysterical, maybe even reckless in your talk.

Calm down. Relax.

[Click here to read another Letter to the Editor: Liberals, you got some ‘splainin’ to do]

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Letter to the Editor: Liberals need to fully explain their carbon tax

In the Sunday June 8 issue of The London Free Press Ken Ray of London blasted the Liberals for their carbon tax and belittled environmentalists of every political and apolitical stripe when he said:

“It seems the party of the people and the unthinking tree-hugging environmentalists won’t be happy until they see these people (the less well-off) living a real life version of Soylent Green.”


[Click here to see movie poster in context.]

Soylent Green? Read the book.

[The site from which I copied the above poster said: The novel was a serious examination of life in an over-populated future, while the film instead predicated itself upon a high concept gimmick as nonsensical as The Matrix's people-as-batteries.]

Though Ken uses some of his own high concept gimmicks in his aforementioned statement i.e. fabrication, exaggeration, painting Liberals and environmentalists with the same brush, I sense he does so because he’s worried about future inequalities in a so-called revenue neutral carbon tax.

He wrote:

“For the better-off the tax may be revenue neutral, but certainly not for the less well-off since they will be spending far more on carbon taxes than they will ever get back in lower income taxes.”

Where he gets his information I’m not sure.

Now, he’s right when he states the people with the most and biggest toys create “the biggest carbon footprint” (when compared with humans and not businesses) but again I question his sources when he says “they’re the ones who will receive the most compensation, if there is any.”

I can live with his exaggeration, however, because he feels “the less well-off will just see life getting even harder.”

When I finished reading his letter I felt that everyone deserves complete and truthful information about the Liberal carbon tax proposal ASAP.

Even though it's only a proposal and the Grits aren't in the driver's seat at this time and all unthinking tree-hugging environmentalists are therefore without the means to make Mr. Ray's life really miserable - now is the time for clarity.

Whether it’s in the form of a newspaper article or pamphlet delivered in the mail or TV debate I don't care.

But it should be clear and concise and tell Canadians how a carbon tax will actually affect many everyday and significant purchases.

E.g. will a carbon tax affect the price of bread, milk, eggs and cheese?

What happens if I buy a new toaster, TV, CD, pair of jeans, shoes, underwear, t-shirt and new socks? (Okay, I'll look and smell better, but what else?)

What about something bigger - like a new car, a vacation, home renovations e.g. more insulation for this old house of mine?

And how will it affect income taxes for someone making less that $25,000 or $25,001 - 39,999 or more than $40,000 and so on?

Come on, Liberals. At least hand out a detailed brochure.


And Conservatives. Maybe you could then go through it line by line and tell us how your unsustainable economic and environmental policies are even better for the less well-off and anybody else for that matter - instead of spending more time on small-minded attack ads.

(We get it. You think poorly of everyone but your own prickly party.)

As you can see it's just not the Ken Rays of the world who are feeling the need for good information and policy.

Please click here to read another Letter to the Editor

And please visit my ongoing collection of Monday Memoirs. I admit it. I am a small town boy.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Live Small and Prosper Part 2: No more baseball tickets or NASCAR on TV for me

Drastic steps I know.

But I’m feeling the pressure of knowing we burn fossil fuels 1000 ways in order to entertain our poor selves so I think it’s time for a big change.

Also, I can’t sit outside in the sun for long spells anymore, let alone watch a ball player run around in long pants without feeling a steady bead of sweat run down the back of my underwear.

So maybe I’ll sit on the porch instead of in front of the TV and think about how to save money for this winter’s heating bills.

And maybe after I’ve got that figured out, instead of watching grown men on TV drive around an oval 400 times in gas-guzzlers while wearing three layers of fire-retardant underwear, I’ll watch World Series reruns and provide my own play-by-play.


It should be easy, and with less pressure.

It’s 6:30 on a Friday night in San Francisco and the two league champions are walking onto the field for what should be an exciting first game out of seven to decide the World Series baseball champion.

But why we call it the World Series I’ll never know.

Teams from all over the world don’t even play in the National or American Leagues.

And as far as I’m concerned, if a team from Europe wanted to play in the American League I bet we’d tell them to forget about it and say, go back home and play your own game and don’t forget to take the horse you rode into town on.

Davey Johnson is on the mound tonight for the Giants and he’s waiting for the ball.

He’s digging his right heel into the ground as if he’s going to drop a few seeds into a hole. That would be funny wouldn’t it, Don? [Don is my colour commentator.]

You know, Gord, I’ve never seen a pitcher drop seeds into those holes they always seem to make to grab a toe-hold out there but in my personal experience there’s always a first time for everything.

You’re so right, Don. Davey has only got the resin bag out there, he hasn’t been tossed the ball yet, so why not just drop a few seeds into the ground while he’s waiting. It wouldn’t hurt anybody. He could talk to the groundskeeper after the game, make arrangements to water the seeds, and maybe by the third game he’d get some sprouts out there.

Wait. The catcher is getting into his crouch and may throw the ball out to Johnson at any moment.

Don, I think catching is the toughest position in baseball.

He has to crouch like that for three outs every inning, give signals, catch the ball, throw it back to the pitcher after every pitch, even fire it to second every once in awhile, all from that tiring position.

Why, my knees would give out by the end of the second inning. What do you think, Don?

I think you’re right, Gord. I’d be done in like dirt by the end of the second inning too. Maybe even sooner.

Gord? Does the pitcher have the ball yet?

Why, yes he does, Don. While you were talking the catcher tossed a ball out to the mound and we’re getting ready to start the game.

As you can see, folks, Davey Johnson is now rubbing the ball against his pants and looking around the infield to see if every player is ready to start the game. And I think they are.

***

See? Easy and no pressure.

I bet there are 1000s of other things I could do with my time, enjoy the shade and save fossil fuels at the same time.

Are there other fine traditions we can do without? What would we do instead?

Visit It Strikes Me Funny to link to bigger issues at OIL CHANGE

Next week: One last lap around the Brickyard with Gord and Don

*

Monday, June 9, 2008

Monday Memoirs: I am a small town boy and have the birdhouse to prove it

I’m going to pick up where I left off one week ago because two phrases in the last three sentences seem to pop into my head at least four or five times per week.

Here are the final sentences to which I refer:

I’m grateful I was a small town boy until I was 18 years old and not just because I could occupy my time with lots to do, both good and bad.

Though the time spent sorting out which was which was responsible for more gray hair on my parents’ heads than I’d like to guess I benefitted in many ways and have thick albums of black and whites and a head full memories to prove it.

Maybe my homespun philosophy - live small and prosper - came about as a result.

The End

Not ‘the end’ really. Nobody is getting off that easy.

‘I was a small town boy’ should read: I am a small town boy to this day.


[I am a small town boy but maybe not this small.]

For example:

Though I think I’m a good car driver and not a Triffid I still feel more comfortable on a bicycle.

My first red CCM bike with pressure brakes would do just fine if there weren’t so many cars hogging the road.

Nothing beats the smell of homemade bread.

Mrs. Blackburn sold a few loaves every week for 50 cents a loaf at Maedel’s Red and White grocery store in Norwich and because I was usually bagging groceries for Mrs. Tucker near the front of the store I’d smell the loaves the second they arrived and get my pick.

After carrying groceries to a waiting car I’d slip in the side door of the store, find the pound of butter I’d hidden in the vegetable cooler and cut a few slices still warm from the oven. If I close my eyes I can still see the butter melting on Mrs. Blackburn’s white bread just moments before jamming a big piece into my mouth.

It doesn’t take much to entertain me.

When I was in public school and had a 90 minute break between morning and afternoon classes a group of boys and I would head to Little Otter Creek after lunch for an hour-long game that involved nothing more to the casual observer than tossing sticks into the water from a bridge and flicking them back upstream with a longer stick in order to see who could keep flicking their sticks the longest.

I was world champion on more than one occasion.

When we had five minutes to go we’d toss the sticks onto the shore, grab our bikes and ride like crazy to beat the bell.

Small bits of wood still amuse me.


I used a few pieces of scrap lumber to make a birdhouse this afternoon and stained it after supper. If I sell it at a local shop my share will be $16. That’s enough for a tank of gas for my motorcycle and two trips to small villages on the north shore of Lake Erie where I'll often pick up and bring home more small bits of wood.

I’ll need to sell another birdbox if I want to have coffee at Shutters on the Beach in Port Bruce or The Causeway restaurant in Long Point. But chances are good with Father’s Day coming up.


[Father's Day is coming up. Call me. Let's make a deal]

Give me two bucks, a notepad and pen, point me in the direction of a neighbourhood coffee shop and I’ll be happy as a clam for two hours or more.

If you’re from a small town I bet you have many habits that started in or near your backyard and still linger.

I think the second phrase ‘live small and prosper’ is closely related to my full life in a small town.

More about that at a later date.

Click here to read more Monday Memoirs.

Visit Live Small and Prosper below.

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Live Small and Prosper: No more baseball tickets or NASCAR for me

I like baseball, played baseball, wore the long pants and slid into third base head first.

But I won’t watch another game at a ball park. TV viewing is shaky too.

I've always liked watching Nascar races on Tv too but I'm not going to tune into another one.

Why the sudden change?

Baseball ticket prices too high? Have to drive too far? Price at the pumps getting me down?

If I turned off the TV I could get more work done around the house? There are so many forms of recreation today that many seem frivolous?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.


[Click here to see more Cartoons in Progress]

And too frickin’ hot for me to sit out under the sun?

Gee whiz - yes!!

I can’t sit outside in the sun for long spells anymore, let alone watch people in long pants chase after a ball without feeling a steady bead of sweat run down the back of my underwear.

And watch grown men drive around an oval 300 times while wearing three layers of fire-retardant underwear? No deal.

As well, ‘umpin’ ‘iminy. There are 1000 ways we burn fossil fuels to entertain our poor selves and I can’t sit outside or be TV supporter to some events any longer.

Time for a big change, to sit on the porch and think about how to save money for this winter’s heating bills.

Now, I could be tempted to watch reruns of sports on TV. We must have 5 bazillion episodes on video tape so we’ll never be without something to pass our time.

With modern technology we could even supply the play-by-play ourselves and make it twice as entertaining!!

Tune in tomorrow to witness my first experience as a play-by-play announcer.

[And please click here for ‘Recommended Reading: Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing - Rule 5’]

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Sunday, June 8, 2008

Recommended Reading: Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing - Rule 5

In his recent book Elmore keeps his rules short.

His descriptions and reasons are short as well.

In fact, 100 per cent of my posts about his rules are 3 miles longer than the rules.


I’ll work on that as I try to incorporate his 10 rules into my most recent short story.

Rule 5. Keep your exclamation points under control

Elmore’s reason?

“You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.”

Though I’m sure this is no arbitrary rule carved in stone inside the Hall of Famous American Literature I tend to agree with him on this one.

And I would say do the same with commas.

Keep them both under control because punctuation interrupts the flow and once I get the flow going I don’t like to stop and send people off into some kind of mental speed wobble.

My short story now continues without any exclamation points:


It was mid-afternoon and the sun was hotter than hell.

I felt as if a hole was being drilled through the back of my neck with a pick ax.

At the same time the woman who had just backed into my motorcycle was drilling a hole into my forehead with a stare so cold I swore my whole body was immersed in ice, except for the back of my neck.

“Git out your wallet,” I said.

After spitting onto the hot tarmac next to her red spiked heels I said, “You scratched the paint and I don’t care what you say to me - you pay up today.”

She said, “You jerk. How do you know it was me?”

“I was having coffee right in there when you knocked it over,” I said.

I pointed to my mug and notebook on the table inside the coffee shop window a few feet away.

“If I hadn’t run out and stepped in front of your car you would have been outta here.”

Her hands didn’t budge from her hips and she continued to look at me as if I was shit on her shoes.

“I’m sure I didn’t hit it hard enough to knock it over,” she said.

“Then why did you get out of your car while I was lifting it back up?”

I took a step into her personal space and thought I saw her flinch.


“You weren’t going to give me a hand were you?” I asked.

The cold look in her eyes dropped about 20 degrees and she shifted her stance.

She looked past my shoulder and said, “Your bike’s okay then.”

I looked back at it.


“Sure,” I said. “I can get it home. But it needs some touch up and time is money.”

She got cocky as soon as I said ‘money’.

Two hundred dollar red spikes on her pretty little feet and she acted hostile about reaching into her wallet for me.

She took two quick steps around me and closer to the bike.

“My last boy friend had a bike like yours and had twenty cans of paint in his garage for scratches. What about you?”

Shit, I said to myself. She wants to haggle.

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Any thoughts about Elmore’s 10 rules or my brilliant short story so far?

Click here to visit Elmore Leonard’s website.

You will find my thoughts about Rule 4 at this location.

Or visit my archives for Recommended Reading: Elmore Leonard’s 10 Rules of Writing - Rules 1 through 4 for more context.

[I like short rules and context.]

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